dumb drivers

     Harvest Moon has sent me into a fury, I am hard to anger, and I feel that I should be blogging more to help my mentality in case writing really does help improve life, so I am going to let off some steam by doing such.
     The days have just been floating past. I try to entertain myself for the time being, hoping that one of my several doctors will come through to me and make me feel better. I mean, what else do I have to hold on to? I am a helpless case on my own, and I know most of my depression is not situational because to loathe the shower, dishes, and laundry is not what a normal person does. Nor does sleeping so much that you practically hibernate or having so little interest in living. This all came before anything situational, anyway. So it has to be the medication I'm missing, right? And of course I'm trying hard for therapy, but my therapist has now cancelled two of our appointments. That's two weeks of not seeing her, and she knows I'm leaving soon, but she took my mental heath on as a responsibility as a doctor, and I feel that she has failed me. I'm sitting here with 3 weeks until I'm shipped across the country, no true will to actually live, and no motivation. I keep begging for someone to help me but all I get is doctors who have me wait 2 weeks for 30-minute appointments, and they're telling this the past six months to someone who has severe anxiety, and I've been waiting and waiting and waiting.... I'm running out of time.... and panic...I won't survive out there like this... and because I can't motivate myself, I'll fail all my classes and nuke my GPA my freshman year, and my parents will be so distraught, and I'll end up right back home....How is this all helping again?
     At least I have my old therapist, Melissa, now. When my mum spoke to her and looked at the numbers she realized we'd end up paying the same amount having her than we would with the co-pays I'm currently paying out of pocket for the others. I don't doubt that she's lying at least a little because she knows how much I worry about money, but I figure I shouldn't pry to give myself a little comfort. $90 for appointments and not accepting insurance is just absurd.. but she's the only person who's managed to really come through to me, and she already knows my background, plus she can see me twice a week if I schedule everything right. My mum came with me to my appointment today and she was really impressed and said that she felt Melissa was actually getting somewhere. She immediately spoke about hooking me up with doctors out in my college area, whereas my other therapist spent one of our two sessions discussing the method of one of the behavior therapies like reading it out of a text book. So.. maybe a little hope here.
     I've been a bit of a recluse lately. I go through these phases where I just don't want to talk to anybody, and I won't reply to text messages or talk to the people I normally talk to anymore. I don't know if that's unhealthy or not. I know I feel guilty because the person on the other side probably feels upset or neglected. But is that normal or okay? Or bad? Of course this doesn't include you, Wisp. I don't play HI anymore, I just log on daily to try and catch you online so I can talk to you. Weird that you're the exception.
     I beat Harvest Moon: Magical Melody today anyway, so now everything I do is just extra without much purpose. I could get married and have a kid or something, maybe save up and buy all the properties just to make them look pretty. But there's only so much interest a game without a plot can hold for me. I ordered one of the newer games in the series so hopefully that arrives soon so I can distract myself enough to appear a zombie. Distraction is good.
     Oh, when we were driving back from my therapy session today, a car without a bumper moved from the slow lane to cut us off in the middle lane for no reason. He had no cars to pass and it was very abrupt. Mum noted that she saw a baby in the backseat, then when we passed him I witnessed him texting on his phone. A few minutes later we somehow find him again, but this time he's smoking a cigarette... with the baby in the back seat. Mum nearly blew a gasket.
     Nothing else to report for now. NiP signing out.