one am

2am and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake

"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?

I don't love him; winter just wasn't my season."

     Well, it's one in the morning, but close enough.

     The secretary for the doctor I was supposed to see tomorrow called. She said that one of the nurses noticed I was over eighteen, and apparently they only see adolescents (despite the fact I am still seeing one of their adolescent care specialist in the same building?) and therefor cannot see me. They said the person who my mum scheduled with must not have caught my age.. even though she gave him or her my birthday and clearly said, "We need to get an appointment within the next week because she's heading off for college."

     Sigh. I guess my good diagnostic luck could not last forever.

     And it really sucks. All of this sucks. Having sleep apnea royally sucks. Having the appointment that was supposed to help my sleep apnea cancelled sucks. My mother is over here talking about how pessimistic I am, and that I should be looking at the bright side, that "Hey, now you know what's wrong with you!" But so far it has not actually changed anything and that fact that I even have it in the first place is horrible luck in itself. PristiQ has not been effective yet either. Sometimes it takes a few days, but I can feel the familiar feeling of disappointment looming. If it does not work... I don't know what I will do.

     I am a stupid dead fish and I want to live so bad but nothing is working.