greetings from utah

     I have been trying to avoid blogging until my VPN starts miraculously working again, but that just has not happened yet. Which sucks because I just paid $40 for a year subscription to get it. :/
     So much has been happening every day that to do an entire recap would take ages to write, and I really, really do not feel like writing right now for whatever reason.
     I suppose the biggest thing is that I am talking to Joe again now. The first day of school I discovered I had a class right next to his apartment. My depression absolutely blinded me and I ended up driving over there. Surprised him pretty well. He told me two days later that me having driven by really messed him up, because when he broke up with me he thought he was doing what was best for me. He thought that I was moving down there entirely for him. And when he saw that it was not the case, he realized how bad he messed up. He apologized for not giving me the benefit of the doubt.
     It is nice to have Joe back in my life again. But for some reason I still feel that I am walking on shattered glass. One wrong move and I will cut myself up something fierce.
     Codependency sucks. But explaining codependency to him, and why I require so much from him emotionally, would be like trying to explain my dead fish. He would not understand. And he would just get freaked out and think that I was unhealthily attached to him or something. Which might be true; I do not know. But I do not want him to be the one making the separating decision for me again because he thinks he knows what is best. Leave it to me to figure that part out on my own.
     It is funny because he said that people who think too much about relationships are silly, and that he would not want to be with someone who considered him some sort of rubiks cube instead of just relaxing and letting things happen naturally. Which is exactly what my obsessive, depressive, and codependent mind does. But I'm a good faker.