Monday, July 14, 2014

'cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides, like brothers on a hotel bed

     I never watch Family Guy anymore since we cancelled our cable around about 5 years ago, but tonight my brother decided to watch it on Netflix whilst I was also in the living room. The episode was called Call Girl - I could not name the season or number to reference. The story was about Louis being approached by a man who thought her voice was amazing and thus offered her a job as a "voice woman" of some sort (I promise there is a point to me telling this, Wisp, although it might be awkward for you to read). She of course assumed the job was for narrating commercials, but upon arrival realized that she was recruited to work for a Sex Hotline; a job she reluctantly accepted when offered 2 grand a week to do so. Because of her new occupation she loses interest in certain activities with her husband, driving him to call the Hotline himself and, coincidentally, his wife is the one who answers. None the wiser, he phones frequently and speaks about silly things (not sexual) and tells her how her voice allures him so greatly, as if he really clicks with her naturally. He then asks to meet her in person and Louis, furious that Peter would be willing to cheat on her, agrees. She wears a wig, Peter "cheats" with her, she removes the wig, then goes ballistic on him. In response, the husband asserts that he never "technically" cheated, and goes on to explain how he felt when speaking to her on the phone and how it filled a part of their relationship that had gone missing.
     This episode really struck me in a bittersweet way. Sweet because I am very much familiar with the feeling of knowing someone who I have always felt was naturally made for me despite, well, anything. Bitter because said person walked away (Whoever says it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all is full of shit. You cannot be emotionally punched into oblivion by a feeling you have never experienced.). It has always been a curious thing to me. We met online, so of course you would think meeting in person would have been very awkward and nerve wracking. And I suppose it was for the first few hours; I was curled up in a chair in the corner of the hotel room whilst he relaxed on the bed, and when he drove us downtown I was practically hugging the passenger door. But he slowly coaxed me out of it just by being him. His voice, mannerisms, and teasing were all the same; the only new factor was having him in person. So I relaxed.. enough so that he kissed me the first night and it was perfectly okay. Better than okay. And I snuggled up to him and fell asleep as if we had known the feel of each other's body, smell, and pattern of breathing the entire time. It was just so.. easy. Unbelievably easy. And natural. The same thing happened when I saw him again this June. Even though we had not seen each other in person for over a year, I was found in his arms less than two hours after he picked me up from my hotel.
     It kills me because I know that feeling of us being made for each other only makes things so much worse. I have always told myself that there is no such thing, and that there is better out there, and I have tried to convince myself that the feeling was merely a passing lie. But I just don't know. If you find the puzzle piece that fits exactly next to the one you have, but then your dog eats it, how are you supposed to deal with that?

2 comments:

  1. There is no good way. I almost died after my break up because I was too depressed to eat. And while it does get better, it takes time. A lot of time. Just know that I am here for you, if you ever want to discuss it.

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